The holiday season often prompts questions around the art of gift-giving, and one debate that resurfaces each year is whether it’s appropriate—or tacky—to make a holiday wishlist. While some argue that crafting a wishlist can feel transactional or materialistic, others embrace it as a practical and stress-reducing tradition that simplifies the gift exchange process.
The concept of wishlists was new to me when my boyfriend’s family asked for one during our first Christmas together. Growing up, my family relied on haphazardly guessing each other’s wishes, with limited success. So, I was taken aback by how much I appreciated the idea of wishlists—both as a gift-giver and recipient. Rather than guessing or stressing over whether my gift will be the right fit, having a direct list of preferences has proven to be a practical, efficient, and stress-free solution.
However, this seemingly sensible practice hasn’t always been well received. When I first suggested creating wishlists in my family, I was met with accusations of materialism and undermining the true spirit of giving. But by December, the resistance had softened, and everyone was clamoring for their own list. Even my father, once averse to the idea, now simply tells me the exact Home Depot tool he needs rather than leaving me to guess whether he’d enjoy the latest novel by Ottessa Moshfegh or a pair of Lululemon shorts.
The case against wishlists is not without merit, though. Some people feel that they reduce the joy of giving by focusing too much on the “transaction” of purchasing specific items, which can be uncomfortable for both the giver and the receiver. A recent post by a 33-year-old Reddit user, who shared her “anti-wishlist” due to the endless parade of pajama sets from her mother, sparked a broader discussion about gift-giving culture. While her post could have been framed more diplomatically, it raises an important point: the holidays often lead to wasteful over-consumption, with an estimated 5 billion pounds of gift returns ending up in landfills each year.
Despite the environmental concerns, there’s a taboo around wishlists. Some critics feel that they are unseemly or “juvenile.” PR professional Carine Redmond, for instance, says she finds writing wishlists strange and would never send something as specific as a maternity bra or a pair of leggings to her family. However, in practice, I’ve found that both writing and receiving wishlists offer insight into others’ preferences and needs. Casey Lewis, a cultural insights expert, notes that wishlist sharing is becoming increasingly popular on platforms like TikTok and Pinterest, with searches for “shopping wishlists” up nearly 950% compared to last year. This trend, particularly embraced by Gen Z, signals a shift away from the stigma once attached to asking for exactly what you want.
In fact, this growing trend has led to a new, more elaborate version of wishlists, with some people creating PowerPoints, Canva presentations, or even registries on sites like Giftful. As Lewis observes, “What was once considered tacky—sending a gift registry to your grandma—is now becoming the norm.”
While some may still find elaborate lists too much, experts like Diane Gottsman, an etiquette professional, stress that wishlists can be perfectly acceptable when requested by the giver. “A wishlist can be both practical and helpful when presented in the appropriate manner,” she says, adding that it’s crucial the list be requested. Sending an unsolicited list, she notes, can seem presumptuous. However, if the exchange is mutual and the recipient is comfortable, there’s nothing wrong with being specific about sizes, colors, and brands, while also offering a range of options at different price points.
Of course, not everyone needs to adhere to the wishlist model. Gottsman reminds us that selecting a thoughtful gift based on your knowledge of someone is always a cherished gesture, and sentimental presents will never be reduced to a checklist. Still, as adults often know exactly what they need or want—and aren’t looking to accumulate more clutter—a wishlist can be a considerate way to simplify the holiday gift-giving process without sacrificing the spirit of giving.
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