The holiday season is often seen as a time to gather with family. Yet, for many, this tradition isn’t always a reality or even a desirable option. Whether due to geographic distance, strained relationships, or personal preference, some are opting to celebrate with friends, neighbors, or even on their own, forging new traditions outside of their biological families.
For those who find themselves distanced from their families, the holidays can provide an opportunity to create new, fulfilling experiences with chosen communities. We spoke with individuals from diverse backgrounds to understand how they navigate the season in ways that bring joy, connection, and authenticity.
Building New Traditions
Joce, a 56-year-old disabled activist, shared her tradition of hosting “Laughing Christmas Open Houses” for her local theater community, which replaced family gatherings marred by tension. “I wore a secondhand wedding gown to greet guests,” she recalled, “and we had people bring dishes from their family’s traditions. It was a delightful evening, and the next year, I vowed never to go back to family Christmas.”
Rikki, 54, from Oregon, also found solace in stepping away from her family, particularly her father, with whom she shares a difficult relationship. “I decided to spend Christmas with friends instead, traveling with my best friend to explore new places,” she explained. This decision, made a decade ago, has become a cherished holiday ritual.
Friends as Chosen Family
For many, friends provide a supportive and welcoming environment that family sometimes cannot. Deb, 62, from Oakland, celebrates Thanksgiving and Christmas with a close-knit group of queer friends. “We cook together, exchange gifts, and take long walks,” she said, describing how these gatherings provide both comfort and connection.
In Sweden, Carolyn, 50, has spent over two decades celebrating holidays with a group of friends rather than her biological family, which she has a strained relationship with. “We celebrate Thanksgiving with food, games, and laughter,” she said, “and our traditions include a unique cocktail called ‘panther’s milk.'”
Celebrating with Community and Nature
For Betty, 74, from South Dakota, the holidays are about gathering with fellow academics and students, many of whom are far from their own families. “We have a Friendsgiving, and on Christmas Eve, we share books and chocolates before a festive dinner,” she shared.
Sue, 75, from London, combines family with community for a more inclusive celebration. “I’m hosting a vegan potluck with my church choir friends this year,” she said, explaining how her family’s dietary preferences led her to create a more harmonious holiday gathering.
Adapting to Loss and Change
For those who have experienced loss, the holidays can bring up difficult emotions, but they also present an opportunity for connection and healing. An anonymous contributor from New Jersey shared how spending Christmas with a good friend’s family, soon after losing her mother, provided the support she needed. “I felt so loved and cared for,” she said, reflecting on how her friend’s insistence to include her helped ease the grief.
Choosing Personal Joy
Some have opted to create joy through adventurous or unconventional ways. Lesley, 63, from Michigan, marks the anniversary of her husband’s death by gathering with six friends at a vacation home in Florida, sharing cocktails, beach time, and heartfelt memories. “I remember that trip as one of the happiest times,” she said.
Others, like Donna, 56, from Oregon, find peace in spending the holidays with friends instead of family. After attempting to join her sister’s holiday celebrations, she now enjoys the company of friends she met at the gym, while her mother spends time with neighbors.
The Power of Chosen Family
For Joshua, 38, from California, the holiday season with his “chosen family” brings a sense of authenticity that he finds lacking with his biological relatives. “We watch drag performances and decorate cookies together,” he shared, emphasizing the importance of creating meaningful traditions that feel true to one’s identity.
Whether through solo adventures, communal potlucks, or chosen family gatherings, many are finding ways to redefine what the holidays mean to them. While family may be central for some, for others, these alternatives offer not just a break from tradition but a chance to create something richer and more fulfilling.
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